Parents Age and Need Caregiving

My husband’s aunt had a ‘Homecoming’.  She was 95, a Christian and the beloved of her husband of 70 years! 

Both of these dear people were able to remain in their home for all those years because their daughters had decided to help them in any ways that they could.  It was not without effort, as many people had to be set up to be with the parents day and night, giving them medications, and making sure they were able to move about freely, not falling and with one of them in a wheel chair. 

Am I Ready to be a Caregiver?

A question you may have been asking yourself, “Am I ready to be a family caregiver?”  Maybe you’re young, with a young family, and it hasn’t even been an issue for you.  Your parents are healthy, holding jobs and babysitting for your children.  Trust me, the day will come when the issue arises.  What your role will be in caregiving is determined by many unpredictable factors:

• • Your parent’s health
  • Your parent’s wishes
  • Your parent’s response to you
  • Their finances
  • Your time

  You might think I’m being vague, but with caregiving you’ll find it’s a rapid, ever-changing job that you usually don’t apply for, don’t expect and for which you are rarely prepared.  

Is This Path an Honor or a Burden?

As Gail Sheehy has said, “Will you approach this role as an honor or a burden?  Will you stumble through it in chaos or find a path?”  Her book, Passages in Caregiving, has her experiences and she identifies eight life shifts that caregivers go through. 

1. Shock and Moblilization       something happens..you pull it together
2. The New Normal      you think you’re ready for anything coming up
3. Boomerang      another crisis; you ask family members to ‘circle up with you’ re: the parents
4. Playing God      you think you are the one keeping them alive and safe
5. I Can’t Do This Anymore      you must take care of yourself
6. Coming Back     it’s evident your parents will not be who they used to be
7. The In-Between Stage     you look into pallative care for your parents
8. The Long Goodbye     your opportunity for closure…to be able say, “I did everything possible.  I shared their last days with them in love and peace.”

Some Recommendations for This Journey

I would recommend reading this book to understand your participation in your parent’s future.  You may be playing a small part or a large part, but it’s worth understanding what an honor it is and how you can be an educated participant.

The last information I have on the two daughters that are caring for their aging father, with the funeral for their mother at 95:   The 96 year old husband on the day of the funeral was taken to the emergency room by one daughter as the other daughter was at the funeral home.  The daughter at the hospital with her father had to admit him.  While he was being admitted, she went back to the funeral…back to the hospital…and then to the  grave… then back to the hospital.  Her sister was left with the funeral, graveyard and a luncheon while she was with her father. 

You can see how situations can blindside you.  The two sisters are grateful that they had the help of each other.  The father is recovering and will be sent home soon where the daughters will continue, The Long Goodbye. 

Did you recognize any of your own experiences that Gail Sheehy has listed? 
How did you deal with the issues?