5 Worst & Best Things to Say to the Grieving
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| I’ve written a book to comfort children titled, “Grandmother’s Moving Day” I hope to have in print one day. |
Everyone experiences loss
of a loved one at some time in their life. If we haven’t had parents show us how to speak or be with people who have experienced their loved ones leave this earth before them, then this is a good primer.
The blog posting I’m quoting was written by David Kessler for AOL Health. I’m going to put in a few quick thoughts for you and you can click the link at the end to reach the complete article.
Worst Things to Say to Someone Grieving
(I’m only posting a few; David Kessler cites more)
1. There is a reason for everything.
2. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him.
3. I know how you feel.
4. She did what she came here to do, and it was her time to go.
5. Be strong.
You need to know that
you can’t fix the loss, this is not about your discomfort, you can’t rationalize the loss.
Best Things to Say to Someone Grieving
(I’m only posting a few; David Kessler cites more.
My words/suggestions from a Christian to a Christian are in quotes.)
1. I am so sorry for your loss. (my words) “Jesus said He came to heal the broken-hearted. (Pray) Thank you, Jesus, for healing their broken heart now as we come to You.”2. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. (my words) “Father, I pray Your peace surround your child now. (Say) Know that I’m praying for you in the months to come.”3. My favorite memory of your loved one is … (my words) “We’ll all see each other again. I loved how they did_______ and reached out in love to many.”4. Give a hug instead of saying something. (my words) “Show up in a few weeks with cookies and coffee or tea to sit and talk.”5. Say nothing; just be with the person (my words) “Quiet is good. Let them talk.”
As for what my suggestions were as Christian to Christian, you can always follow the leading inside you called the Holy Spirit. He’s is our Comforter and is there to work through you in situations like this. Ask Him for help and then follow His lead.
You will find many more things to say than what I offered up…..just know you can be prepared for times like these.
You’re going in the right direction with these thoughts
Support without trying to fix, it’s about their feelings, you recognize their loss
and don’t put time limits on grief.
Have you experienced anything you can share with the readers? Were you the person grieving or the friend giving comfort?
As promised, the link to David Kessler at AOL HEALTH and his other blog postings about grief and grieving………
Thanks for sharing, Donna.
It is hard to know what to say to someone grieving. Often I am at a loss for words, but have found saying SOMETHING is better than nothing – or you may be percieved to be un-interested or in-sensitive.
I've found that a person grieving just needs to feel free to share their feelings – just knowing someone is there to even just listen and offer gentle questions can go a long way.
You are so right on target, Heidi. It is hard to know what to say, but I believe 'knowledge is power'.
It's such a sad time it's hard not to just think about how lost you feel.
I have found there are specific things that are important to a grieving person. I went to a funeral for an older gentleman's wife and the important thing for him was how many people showed up. At other times that hug you talked about was the most important thing to do for the grieving. And just listening to them talk…that is of utmost importance!
Thanks for responding…your ideas will go a long way in helping other people, Heidi.
Thank you for your thoughts on grieving, Donna. I like that you include reflection upon the inspiration that we feel from the Holy Spirit.
-CK
You're welcome, CK. It's something we all have happen to us eventually..whether comforting or needing comfort.
Thank God for the Holy Spirit!
Happy Monday, SITStah! Visiting from Goose Tribe. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I love posts like these that address loss, sadness, empathy, compassion, etc. I feel this world has become (dare I say) a bit self centered, busy, and insensitive to the feelings of others.
A side note: have you heard of blurb.com? They have software you can use to put your book GRANDMOTHER'S MOVING DAY into print yourself. It might also offer options to use so others can order a copy as well…though don't quote me on that. Also, there is a published "Christian Horror" writer, Sue Dent, who addresses publication issues… like pro and cons of publishers, lit. agents, etc. her web address is: http://suedent.blogspot.com/
Hope you have a blessed day.
Kindest regards,
Brook
http://www.Matt5verse6.blogspot.com
Brook,
Welcome Goose Tribe :O)
I remember how lacking I felt the first time being around someone grieving. Hopefully this posting will help people be informed and ready (as much as one can be).
Thanks for leaving the info about self-pub and Sue Dent's blog. Much appreciated!