This is just too good to end.  I’ve been reading the book,

The 5 Languages of Apology by Drs. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.  A few comments from the book I think are noteworthy:

Have you noticed asking for forgiveness is extremely hard for certain individuals. The apologizer may sound like this:  “I already said I’m sorry…you’d thing that was enough!”  It turns out that very strong controlling personalities, who are very uncomfortable when not in control of situations, find it especially difficult to apologize.  They feel like they’re giving up control and putting the future of their relationship into the hurt party’s hands…that means ‘control is lost’. 

If that’s you, here’s some help:  Recognize that you have a controlling personality, refuse to be controlled by an “obviously dysfunctional trait”.  (Dr. Chapman)

Large numbers of people fear rejection and this makes it hard to apologize.  We become vulnerable by requesting forgiveness from someone….and we might be rejected! 

If that’s you, here’s some help:  So you’re fearing this, don’t be controlled by it!  Talk to yourself, go against your own fears and apologize to restore the relationship.  Fear will put a strangle-hold on you and not let go.  It’s up to you see fear for what it is and overcome it.  Overcome your fear by taking steps to bring healing to your relationships.

Fear of failure is the one person that will struggle the most with apologizing. 

“For them doing right is equated with being good or being successful.  Throughout life they have tried to do the right thing.  And when they do, they feel successful.  To this person, admitting wrong is equivalent to admitting, “I am a failure.”  Their greatest fear is the fear of failure.  To admit in human relationships that they have done wrong seems to be admitting failure.  Therefore, they find it difficult to admit they are wrong.  Typically they will argue vehemently with the other person that what they did is not wrong.  They say, “It may have hurt you,” or “It may have offended you.”  “You took it in the wrong way; I didn’t mean it that way.”  “I’m just trying to get you to understand the truth.”  The 5 Languages of Apology by Dr’s. Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

If that’s you, here’s some help:  See that it’s just a fear that can be overcome.  Tell yourself that admitting you’re wrong doesn’t mean you’re a failure and it will bring healing to a relationship.  You can learn to apologize!

Did you locate yourself? Do you see how knowing this can change a relationship? Leave your comments for this community! Your comment is as important as the posting….