Walking With Your Child Through Disappointment
Disappointment comes to children of all ages. Are you ready?
Dealing with Your Child’s Disappointments
Do you remember the first time you noticed you were disappointed as a child? With some children it’s a ‘dark day’ full of sadness when disappointment hits. My first remembered experience with disappointment went like this:
Life’s First Remembered Disappointment
I’m playing with my 7 year old best friend, Dee-Dee, when her older sister wants to have a contest. The contest would be ‘How beautiful can you roller skate?’. I watched as another friend tried her best at the crown and she was applauded as she whirled on her skates. I went next and threw back my head with a huge smile. I was sure my skates were circling and making me look fabulous. I turned around and no one was clapping….the award was being given to the first girl as I ran to my house, pushed open the front door and buried my face in mom’s apron. Crushed and crying, my mother just stroked my hair and encircled me with her arms. My tears stopped and I went outside to find everyone playing some other game that included me on ‘equal footing’ with everyone. The disappointment had ended and mom had saved the day!
Why did I crumple so easily? I was a perfectionist and couldn’t take anything less than perfect about myself. I tried hard and then even harder. I really believed I could make it happen I could….that I could do anything. Unrealistic? To be sure! What saved me from my harsh, unrealistic beliefs? Mom was there to walk me through. She encouraged me and spoke to my age level of 7. She let me cry first and then she said, “You’ll have other chances and besides, you’ll be even better at skating by then. Your friends like you and not being crowned Queen of Skaters doesn’t change their liking you. You’ll see! Now wipe your eyes and go find your friends. They need you to play a game with them.”
Find 4 Steps to Walking With Your Child Through Disappointments
Kyria’s Parent Connect has a good article on dealing with your child and their disappointments that will help you with your child’s disappointments. Be forewarned and you’ll be forearmed. The article offers 4 steps to walk with your child through disappointment.
Do you have any techniques you can share with moms and their child’s disappointments? Leave your comments for all of us…parents and grandparents!
Hi Donna,
I can see you in my minds eye, running to your safe haven home and MOM! Bless your Mom for always being there for you, because you are now a light in our world.
With most all things parenting, I personalize my approach depending on the child, but these two tips seem to work best for both girls.
I do my best to not speak right away when my girls come to me with a hurts like this. I have found that listen and holding my “helpful” tongue aides me. 🙂 Letting them know I really hear them is important. Even more so now that my oldest is 13.
Both my girls are loving, and have grown up being shown love in words and gestures, but even so – if they are too upset I know to hold my hugs, so maybe I’ll gently massage their shoulders or pet their hair while they vent. I’m connected, but not smothering.
I’ll be sure to visit Kyrias’s Parent Connect as well.
Have a great weekend!
Linda Kinsman recently posted..Heart Smiles
Great commenting, Linda! Your girls and you have found the right balance so just keep going the way you are. It’s really tough not smothering when your ‘babies’ are crying or despondent. I like what you said about listening and knowing when to not hug but just a small touch, shoulder rub or hair stroking work better.
We actually incorporate a lot from what our moms did, but there’s always room for improvement!
DonnaPerugini recently posted..Walking With Your Child Through Disappointment
I found you’re blog via Google and I have to say. A Massive Thank you so much, I thought your post was incredibly educational I will revisit to see what additional great information I can recieve here.
Katrina,
Glad you stopped by and left your comment!
I don’t have any techniques, at the moment. My daughter’s first experience was when she didn’t make the symphonic orchestra. She was so nervous and felt she didn’t do her best. She was so sad and cried and all I could do, at that moment, was hug her and tell her how proud I was of her. I, later on, told her that this just gives her more time to practice so when try outs come around, next year, she will be more confident. She seemed to fee a lot better after that 🙂
Rebecca,
What a great comment for parents to read! First, I’m impressed with your daughter’s having the ability to be in a symphonic orchestra!
You had a great response to her crying…letting her and then telling her how proud you were of her. Good ending too with turning the disappointment into a positive for her confidence. Thanks for commenting!
DonnaPerugini recently posted..Walking With Your Child Through Disappointment
It’s so heart wrenching when you see your child is disappointed and hurt. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words or what know what to do.
Rebecca R recently posted..Banana Split – A Culinary Mystery by Josi S. Kilpack – Book Review
Rebecca,
True that! I think we feel worse than they do!
What’s awesome is you found the right words and with your upping her confidence for future try outs it was a ‘slam dunk’. I know it came from your heart, but wow!….it was very well done.
DonnaPerugini recently posted..Walking With Your Child Through Disappointment