Loss of a Child, My Child
Have You Experienced the Loss of a Child?
“If you know someone who has had the loss of a child and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn’t forget they died. You’re not reminding them. What you’re reminding them of is that you remember that they existed.” ~E Edwards
Loss of a Child….My Child
What better way to start off this post than with that quote. I found this quote online and thought about my own son, Mike, who was born October 16, 1975… but died one year ago October 23, 2012. He was 37. No matter how old your child gets, they’re still your child and you’re still mom.
I’ve not put anything online lately about how I’ve been during this time of grieving. There’s no real way to describe how you feel during a time like this. Emotions run in all directions and the only words worth holding on to are, “He will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee.” The word I really had to work on was ‘stayed’. At first I had to constantly bring my thoughts back to God.
You miss your child and would like to have had them in your life until you go home to be with the Lord. There’s no replacing your child. There’s no retreating from grieving the loss. Even though it is a loss to me, Mike gained. He gained a place he wanted to be one day. Mike spoke to me of heaven and Jesus when he had no idea that he would be in heaven and immediately in His Lord’s presence within those next three weeks. We raised him to love God and to have faith in Him…to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. I loved having those talks with him as he shared his faith with passion.
My friends have had losses of spouses and their friends of late. We’ve talked about the fact that we need to love and walk in love everyday of our lives with those around us. How much have we put off thinking there is all the time in the world to speak with and enjoy each other. Have I had thoughts of regrets or guilt? Who doesn’t when something unexpected happens to them. I didn’t hang on to those thoughts…they were just thoughts. Staying current with everyone at all times is unrealistic, but at least making an effort and not putting them off is a comfort if the unexpected happens.
I told you how I am comforted by God. Let me also say that during a time of loss, leaning on close friends who understand keeps you stable. What is ‘understand’? Go ahead and talk with me about how you remember Mike. Let me bring up how he passed away. If you bring it up wanting to know more, I’ll cry… and you may find it uncomfortable to be around me. If you don’t want to talk, then just hug me and tell me you love me. I’ll make it through all this and it will forever be a part of me. You can’t keep someone who puts their trust in God down. I’ll keep getting up.
Mike has a wife that we love dearly. I’m praying that his birthday doesn’t make mincemeat of her heart again. She expected to spend a lifetime with him. They were devoted to each other…friends and soulmates.
Here’s a beautiful memory of Mike on his wedding day that I want to share with you. He really rocked his world!
We’ll meet again in heaven…just like this
Thank you for listening. Go out and love someone today!
Donna
Thinking of you today. I didn’t know Mike and my husband Rich shared the same birthday. It was 12 years last May 14th since Jason went home to be with the Lord.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Pattie
Thank you, Pattie.
You know from your own experience that prayer is such an excellent way to ‘love on’ people.
Donna
Wish we lived closer to you and could keep a regular dose of hugs on hand. You and Dick have our prayers, ears, and hearts, anytime you need them.
Love you muchly,
Dave and Barb
Dave,
This comment was a good hug. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers…we so appreciate them. Your family is a blessing to us! Your ministry is a blessing to us!
Donna and Dick
My dear Dick and Donna, just read this and didn’t realize it had been almost a year. Sure would like to be with you today. Miles may desperate us, but we are so close in the love of God and the spirit. Thinking of you today and praying for you both.
Miss you both. Been ministering for Dave and Jeaneen. Preached on “The fields are ripe and ready for Harvest”. I truly believe it won’t be long until Jesus comes for the Church and we will be reunited with our love ones who have gone before us. In the past 2 months 2 of my very close friends have gone to heaven, Bonnie McKnight and David Baker. Sure do miss them but know I will see them again. Love you both and sure would like to see you. Rallene
Rallene,
We are close in the love of God and the spirit. It feels like you’re here already!
So sorry to hear about Bonnie McKnight and David Baker. I know you loved them. My friend, Renee’ Garner in Texas just told me of Terry Mize’s wife Jackie also going home to be with the Lord in the last few days. They were very close with each other’s family. Renee’ had her husband go to be with Jesus over 1 1/2 years ago.
It sure will be a joyous reunion, won’t it! Give our love to Dave and Jeaneen and all our New Creation friends in Granger, Indiana.
Donna
Sorry for mistake, it should of been 6 months instead of 2. Rallene
Thinking of you and the times we had together with your family. If we ever get out that way, we would like to see you guys. May God’s peace be with you and Dick. Linda
Linda,
Yes, we did have some good times, especially on Beaver Island with our two families together! I made a great ‘shark lure’ but hoping to catch inland lake fish. 😉 We’re up near the Canadian border. Give us a call when planning your trip.
Thanks for your blessings.
Donna
Thinking of you !! Remembering Mikie-Jo-Momma and how much fun we had with him at Fishhook so many years ago. Looking forward to seeing you soon, will call.
Good memories, Carol! That was his favorite game/saying when he was 4.
Donna
My dear Donna – I have been meaning to comment on this post. My heart cries out with you, and I wish we were closer so I could give you a big hug! Thank you for sharing what’s on your heart, and I pray that you will continue to rest in the Lord and take comfort in His promises which are “YES” and “AMEN!”. Though sorrow may come in the evening, joy comes in the morning. One day, you will hold and kiss your sweet son again! With much love and prayers, Rachel
Rachel,
Thank you for your comment. Your hugs are welcomed even here! We’re looking to the day we can hold Mike in our arms again too.
God is faithful!
Donna
Donna Perugini recently posted..Loss of a Child, My Child
Hi donna
Me again, I just read this post, I never read it before not sure why but after replying to your comment on my blog I read this, and it made me cry so much.
I lost my brother when he was just about to turn 21, I had never experienced death in my family and this first time wasn’t a distant relative but my brother whom I love so much and was so close to. I’m sitting as I write with tears streaming down my face and feel more pain because I have no idea what it did to my parents when they lost him, Im sure the loss of a child is greater than the loss of a sibling but I still cry 20 years later!
It was 8 years after my brothers death that my mother was raped and murdered in her home. Another bout of grief hit me with uncontrollable heaviness and I felt so alone because this time I was, no family, no husband, no-one. The consolation with my moms death is that she was a child of God but in the case of my brother he was not. It was through my brothers death that my mom and I started to search for God and we found him. But at the expense of my brother? It saddens me a great deal that my brother died not believing, depressed and probably very alone. He committed suicide.
I hope that my story brings you some comfort that you’re not alone in your loss. I often wonder why I still grieve after 20 years with the same amount of passion, I always thought it would get easier or lighter, but it doesn’t go away. You just learn to live with it.
I pray that God will hold you and comfort you and that you will never forget that He is there when times are dark and difficult and when you feel like you can’t go on. I know that if it wasn’t for our Lord I would not have made it this far.
Thank you for that post. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
Cristine
Cristine recently posted..Little Drummer Girl
Hi, Cristine,
People will read your story and say, “She’s so strong. Look at what happened to her and she is still compassionate and loving.” Both you and I know the answer is our Lord…the One Who comforts and heals. If it had not been for our God through all of it, I don’t know how I would be who I am still. The one scripture that kept me through it all was, “He will keep in perfect peace whose mind is staid on thee.” Every time I would begin to think about our son and the way he died, I would go back to that scripture and it would keep me in peace. I still lean on this word from God that I’ve received ‘just for me’!
So sorry to hear about your brother and then your mother. I’m grateful that you and your mother were both seeking God and finding Him before she passed away. It also keeps you in a good state of mind knowing that you’ll see your mother again…and I’ll see our son again. If all we did is live on this earth and then become dust, you’d have no hope. We have hope in an eternal future, praise God!!