Bringing Home a Grudge for Christmas?
Bringing any grudges home for Christmas?
Bringing Home a Grudge for Christmas?
Families members coming together for the Christmas season sometimes bring more than themselves.
Once you understand what a grudge is, you’ll see what memories and feelings…good and bad, come with the family.
Grudges that were picked up while seeming small and harmless arrive with a vengeance. Family members may have been taught to hold in those grudges, let them stay, but hold them in. We’re taught to cover up those feelings but inevitably they rise to the surface. You can’t hug a grudge and not have it noticed. The longer you’ve nursed a grudge, the stronger it becomes. Even a grudge’s growth is measurable.
When Grudges are small, you can pick them up and put them down. If you hold on to them, they will only get stronger and become Resentment. You cannot hold Resentment….Resentment holds you! excerpts from Don’t Hug A Grudge by Donna Perugini written in English and Spanish
Bringing home a grudge for Christmas?
The final result of holding that Grudge and having it grow to Resentment is Bitterness. Bitterness shows up last, and its root goes down deep. Bitterness squeezes your mind with hate. Bitterness makes you hurt others with angry words and hateful actions. Don’t Hug A Grudge by Donna Perugini
“Stop being mean, bad-tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ.” Ephesians 4:31-32
How Long Can You Not Forgive?
They can walk in unforgiveness as long as they believe the lie, wanting to keep their darkened thoughts. We all have our reasons for these actions:
They deserve my hate and disrespect! You don’t know what they did to me…no one can understand my grief in this situation. They always liked you best so what do you know?! They need to see how it feels so I’m going to keep their feet to the fire on this problem. They had no right to do that..to me or anyone else. I have issues!
“…Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble, hurting many in their spiritual lives.” Hebrews 12:15
What Does This Have to Do With Me?
We can put an end to our Grudges, Resentment or Bitterness before we come to the family gathering at Christmas. There’s only one way…forgive…let it go…drop it! When the thoughts..and they are just thoughts…begin to bring up the old offense once again, remember we’ve forgiven and can send the thought on its way. Take every thought captive to the Word of God. Even if you feel like nothing happened when you forgave, your emotions will learn to follow your ‘renewed mind’. Letting your emotions rule is dangerous. Unedited emotions change with the wind and cause great pain and destruction to you and those around you.
Forgiving as a Christian Means WHAT?
Forgiving as a Christian is applying the same principle to another that was applied to you because of what Christ Jesus did on the cross. All your sins were forgiven without hesitation by a loving Father.
“For the whole Law can be summed up in this one command: “Love others as you love yourself.” Galatians 5:14
Download from Amazon e-book $2.99 and hard copy $4.99, Don’t Hug a Grudge
Joyce Meyer (Joyce Meyer International Ministries) thought enough of this book to use it in her teaching series, “Bitterness, Resentment and Unforgiveness”
This was such a great post. I come from a large family and have been on the receiving end of a grudge before. It hurts when people don’t forgive.
As for my hurt feelings. I have learned to let go. People make mistakes that will sometimes hurt us, but holding on to a grudge is us hurting ourselves.
Thanks for sharing.
What a beautiful way to start my day! Great post and so very true. I think we all may have to work on this a bit.
Merry Christmas!
Nichole,
You’re right…it does hurt on the receiving end of a grudge. You have an excellent witness when you choose to let it go and forgive.
Congratulations on walking in forgiving and love! Sadly, some people never make it that far in this life.
I have this book! Its a creative way to teach kids about forgiving!!!
-CK
Thanks for your recommendation in your comment, CK. It is all about teaching the children about forgiving.
As a former grudge addict myself (I held onto grudges as though they were a fashionable accessory), I value the words of wisdom in this post. It is such a heavy and unnecessary burden carrying around grudges. I’m still working on learning how to forgive and let things go. But the more I understand the grace given to me, the harder it is for me not to extend it.
Our church just finished the Peacemaking Church series – it is an excellent tool in learning how to reconcile and forgive as Christ forgives us! http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.2837365/k.65C1/The_Peacemaking_Church.htm
Rachel,
A grudge addict is certainly an interesting metaphor!
Living a forgiving life is something we all will be learning until our last breath on earth. Leaning into His grace relieves us of trying harder in our own strength to forgive.
Thank you for your open-hearted thoughts, Rachel.
This is a tough one. There is a family member that I know I need to forgive, though it is doubtful I will ever see him again. He caused a lot of pain through alcoholism, lying, and pornography addiction. I fear hurting other family members who are not ready to forgive him. I know what God’s Word says. I need to do what He commands – with His help and strength and trust that He will work things out for His good. Thank you for the great and kind reminder!
I sense the pull going on inside you, Audra. You can forgive that family member without telling anyone. It’s just between you and God.
If God leads you to tell the family member that you forgive him, then do that. Be led by the Spirit, willing to obey whatever He leads you to do.
My sister retains all notes, letters, and emails that she has received over the years that contain any slight; references to things she has done that are unacceptable, etc. In other words, anything that has offended her in any way.
She harbors resentment and holds on to grudges. Recently my sister was discussing (with our Mother) some of the things written to her that she resented. Mother said to her, ‘why don’t you destroy those things (the letters, etc) and let it go’. My sister replied emphatically ‘NO’! As you may have guessed, a lot of this resentment is directed at me. My sister proclaims to be a Christian. I wrote a letter to her (she doesn’t talk to me) and told her that her holding onto the correspondence was not ‘Christ-like’ and I asked her what was she going to do – show them to Jesus when she gets to heaven?! Any
comments or suggestions?
ny suggestions?
Your situation is all too common in Christian circles. First and foremost, we need to remember that ‘we wrestle not against flesh and blood (your sister) but against powers, principalities and wickedness in high places’ (our enemy, the devil) Ephesians 6:12. Your sister has been caught up in a trap that is baited with offense. She’s taken the offense and won’t let it go. As long as she holds on to it, it holds her captive.
Her situation can easily become your’s. If you are offended (or hurt) by her response to you, then you need to let the offense (hurt) go. It’s not about how she did something or you did something. This whole situation hinges on what are you willing to do about the Word of God. If we hear the Word and we are not ‘doing’ or acting upon what we know as the ‘truth of the Word’, then ‘we only deceive ourselves’ and the Word of God cannot make a change in us. You know the Word of God says to forgive your brother/sister, even 7 x 70. We are to ‘walk in the love of God that is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit’ Romans 5:5.
The short answer is: Forgive and act in the love of God. How? As an act of your will, you forgive her and as an act of your will, you act like you would as if you love her. I bring up ‘act of your will’ because your emotions will want to dwell on the hurt and pull other people in to your pain to take sides. When the thoughts come that are contrary to forgiving and loving with the God-kind of love, you will need to ‘take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ’. Short answer here is: You might not ‘feel’ like you forgave, but you will act like you forgave, because the God-kind of love is in you and will come through you when you let it.
It’s a process. While you’re cooperating with God on your end, pray for your sister to ‘have the eyes of her understanding opened’ Eph. 1:17-19 to the Word of God in her life. No preaching on your end, just do what the Word of God commands you…’love your neighbor (sister) as your self’. You have the Holy Spirit in you to lead you, guide and counsel you. According to God, you can do this….with His help, when you ‘trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not to your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all of your ways, He will make your path straight’ Proverbs 3: 5-6.
I’ll be praying for you! You’ll come through this with a strong testimony to the power of the love of God in your life when you consistently yield to the Word of God.
Thank you so much for this timely post. I have some distant relatives who were able to drop their grudges after someone died. You are so right about praying through these, and keeping all our thoughts captive to Christ and Christ alone. Have a glorious Christmas!
Thanks for stopping by, Cherrie. I like your comment about praying through these and keeping our thoughts captive to Christ. Well said! You have a peaceful Christmas too!