An Unexpected Love Story

Once upon a time I met a young man and over time, we became friends. He was great. He seemed to understand me, he was polite, respectful, he was knowledgeable about the Bible, involved in ministry. Just great. As the friendship progressed, though, my feelings began to change. I started imagining a future with him.

What?! No!

He was seven years younger than me (I mean, fresh out of high school and into adulthood), and he was a different ethnicity than me (I’d never been involved with anyone with a different heritage). I was seriously freaking out over the idea! He was just not the type I imagined I would end up with in marriage.

But ultimately, it seemed right. I felt peace about pursuing a romantic relationship with him. And all the important people in my life gave him a thumbs-up. After a year of courtship and premarital counseling, we were wed.

My Church Experience

(A few years earlier…) I walked in during a Saturday evening service. The pastor quickly captured my attention with his talk about purpose and destiny. I was technically unsaved at the time, and really had never been involved with any church. At the end of the service, I raised my hand for prayer. I came up to the altar. It was…weird. The people seemed really nice- but they were so…different. They smiled and hugged so much. I wasn’t used to that!

I made a decision to commit my life to Christ. Soon, I came to a special service for water baptism. I stood there in my t-shirt and shorts feeling awkward while waiting for things to begin. I saw people praying near me. Again, awkward! But I sensed God telling me, “stay.” So I did.

Twelve years later, I’m still there. It’s had its glorious moments, as well as its challenging moments. Have I been through some stuff? Yes! Have I been offended? Sure. Have I thought about going elsewhere? You betcha!

So, why do I stay?

Do you have a list of criteria?

Everyone has seen that bachelor (in real life or on TV) who is hypercritical about everyone he dates. A crooked toe, or imperfect teeth, or a too-loud laugh is enough to be a deal-breaker for him. This guy is searching for perfection, and truthfully, he will never find it. It just doesn’t exist. We’re all flawed!

In the past few years, I’ve heard people talking about their quest for a church home:

“It needs to have a thriving children’s ministry.”

“I need my children to stay with me during service.”

“They must allow women in leadership.”

“Women shouldn’t be in leadership.”

“The pastor needs to teach right out of the Bible.”

“That pastor took everything right from the Bible!”

“I’m looking for a small church.”

“I’m looking for a big church.”

“There needs to be a heavy emphasis on missions.”

“There needs to be a heavy emphasis on community.”

Everyone’s ideal church home is going to look a little different. But maybe we’re overlooking the right church in favor of the “ideal church”.

Stay Put and Dig In!

Obviously, it’s hard for me to say from behind my computer where you should or shouldn’t attend. But should you attend? Yes! Don’t get so disillusioned by the many churches you’ve visited that weren’t just right. And don’t show up on a Sunday morning with a list of requirements! If you are looking for a reason to cross a church off your list, you will find it. It seems there is a mentality that one should “church hop” in order to find the right church– as in flitting from church to church trying each one for “just the right fit”.

I ended up staying through that baptism service (even though my flesh wanted to RUN), and ended up connecting with people. I began growing spiritually. I found areas of ministry in which to serve. Over time, I learned more about the church (as well as God’s word), and while it certainly wasn’t perfect, it was God’s will for me. Then, things happened in the church that weren’t ideal, and people began to leave. Even in that time, when it would’ve been totally justifiable for me to leave and begin to shop around for a new church, I stayed.

I married that man who seemed to be “outside of my little box”. As in all marriages, we’ve had ups and downs. Through it all, we’ve been very blessed. Not perfect, but blessed. I believe when we stay in a church even through difficult times, God blesses us.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should you just go to any church, and grow roots there? Well, no. Look for things like adherence to God’s word. Look for a church that preaches the Gospel. Look for opportunities to grow as a disciple of Christ. Can you serve there? Can you worship there? Is there a chance for fellowship with other believers?

I would encourage you to not get hung up on the details of how these things play out. Maybe this is where God wants you. You are primed for growth when you do things differently than when you first imagined doing them. Maybe if an area of ministry is underdeveloped (or non-existent) this is your assignment! Just like in marriage, you grow when you give 100%- do your very best as unto the Lord in a ministry.

And there may be red flags and honest-to-goodness deal breakers in the church. I don’t really have the capacity to name everything you should flee from, but if there are things happening that are blatantly sinful, you should probably go. But first consider whether you are misunderstanding something. Talk to the right person, with the right attitude, and see if there is something you are missing.

I feel like the more we look for flaws in a church- the more we tend to “church hop”, the less we are able to grow in godly character. So, pray, ask God what you should do, and then do it. Make a commitment to a local body of believers, for better or worse- even if it’s not what you imagined!

Becky is a wife of eight years and stay at home mom to three young children. She aspires to encourage women in Biblical truth on her blog, Happy Christian Home