Child Alone in Public Restrooms at What Age?
At what age do you let your child go into a public restroom alone?
If you’re of the same sex, no problem. It’s when you have a child of the opposite sex and your spouse is not with you that the question occurs. Should I let him go in the women’s with me or should I send him alone into the men’s?
During a child’s preschool or elementary school years, have you begun to wonder if it’s still okay for a dad to be taking his daughter into the men’s room, or if a mom should keep her son out of the women’s room?
What is the Etiquette for Public Restrooms?
This is a gray area of child-rearing, and the sometimes uncomfortable subject raises issues of confidence, maturity, privacy and fear.
Some malls have begun offering family use bathrooms. If there are no single-use bathrooms around, some parents are fierce about keeping their opposite gender children with them in the restroom into the tween years, fearful of strangers.
Fathers and Daughters
I have spoken to fathers with daughters that face the same problem.
One responded that when his daughter was younger, he went into the men’s room first to make sure it wasn’t too crowded before bringing his daughter into a stall and he shielded her eyes if they encountered urinals in use. But at about age 6, he felt she was ready for the women’s room. He still would stand close to the door so he could keep an eye out for his daughter.
What? Age Nine??
I always stood close to the door of the men’s room where I could at least hear my son. He stopped coming into the women’s room when he was 6. I’ve personally encountered boys up to age 9 in a women’s restroom with their mothers. It was shocking, but as long as they were respectful and under control I didn’t mind.
Make Your Choices Ahead of Time
Think it through before you go out and are stuck for a quick decision. Will the young opposite sex child remain with you or will you send them into ‘unknown territory’ alone?
Will you be found ‘lurking’ near the bathroom door of the opposite gender bathroom?
oh wow,
good point. I've wondered this before. I'll have to check back and see what other people think. I'm glad my little one is still too young to worry. But it's good to think ahead.
thank you!
Hi, Becka,
We are so used to bringing the children in for changing their diapers, and then holding their hand as they walk into the stalls that the natural progression of their age doesn't occur to us until it's too late. Then we're caught in a dilemna when they need to use a restroom, they're older and it needs to be fast!
I'm interested in knowing what other people think too!
Thanks for commenting.
My son is 9 and I take him into the women’s room. I”ll never forget the Oprah show that I saw years ago. An aunt had taken her nephew to the restrooms at a camp ground and stood outside the men’s room while he went in. He was about 12 yrs. old at the time. A man in his twenties went in and came out. Her nephew did not come out and when someone went in to check they discovered that the man in his twenties had gone in and slashed the boys neck and he died. This story haunts me. I’d rather someone be annoyed at me for taking him in than take the risk. I know as my son gets older he will refuse to go into the women’s room and I’ll have to figure something out. However, we all use the same bathroom at home and at family/friend’s houses. There are stalls with locks in the women’s room so it is private for everyone involved. When my son does start to refuse, I think I’ll ask a male worker in the store/restaurant to go in and make sure the men’s room is empty before I allow him in. It’s a tough one for sure and much more complicated for fathers who need to bring in daughters.
I’ve seen malls take the initiative and have family bathrooms, just like you mention. No matter whose restroom you take the child into, it can cause a stir. I know men shield their daughter’s eyes when they take them in the men’s and women fuss over their boys so they’re not glancing through door crack as they walk to a stall. It’s a tough decision, but we have to live with any consequences. Don’t give into pressure of disgusted looks.
Speaking of pressure, it reminds me of the people who ride the bumper of your car if you’re doing the speed limit or just a little above. My theory is none of them will be around to pay for my ticket if I’m the one who is pulled over. I’m not speeding for anyone, so just pass me by!