What Do You Know About a Grudge?
Don’t Hug a Grudge by Donna Perugini
Everyone’s heard about grudges…….
We even have wrestling matches on television that are called, ‘grudge matches’ (which are more for show than real).
Grudges Appear Small and Harmless at First
I wrote a children’s book that shows how deceptively small and enticing little grudges are. Think about it….holding a grudge, nursing a grudge or feeding a grudge means you’ve taken up a new companion in your life. You carry it around with you and feed it with your hurt and angry thoughts. You feel justified and hope for the other person or institution to have something bad happen to them….to prove you’re right and they’re wrong. You want them to feel your pain..intensely. I mean, how could you ever forgive someone who did____to you?
Your Grudge Grows Up to be Resentment
Then your little grudge grows up into resentment. You’ll soon discover that you won’t be holding resentment, because resentment holds you. What an eye-opener! It rides your back like a monkey…because you’ve let it. It’s the 800 pound gorilla in the room and you don’t want to see it. If you see it, then you’ll have to do something about that gorilla. And why should you be the one to do something about it, when all along it was the other person who did the wrong to you. You let it stay believing it’s the right thing to do…to be justified and want something terrible to happen to them…to take pleasure in their pain because they deserve whatever they get.
Bitterness Shows Up Last…It’s Root Goes Down Deep
At this point you’ve gone from grudge, to resentment to bitterness. Bitterness is last and it is the worst because its root goes down deep. You hate the ones you should love, you want nothing to do with God…after all, where was He when they hurt you? Find a way to get even and it doesn’t even feel good anymore because bitterness has taken over your life. You distance yourself from family, friends, husbands, wives, pastors, churches. Whatever it takes to get away from your pain, you leave others behind. The only thing is, you take that pain with you. The festering, the sickness of bitterness is with you…rooted deeply in your thoughts.
How can I get free from that Grudge?
“And don’t throw that God-stuff at me. Where was He when all this happened? I want revenge..I want them to suffer and be in ongoing pain too.”
You can see you are in so deeply in this bitterness that you are not thinking right. God was and is always there. Sometimes unjust things happen and sometimes there are consequences to your actions. What’s the way out? Forgive them. I know, it goes against everything you’ve been thinking and feeling. But forgiving is how you set yourself free. Forgiving gives you back your life, helps clear your thoughts, and lets other’s love back into your life. It’s a personal choice that pay great rewards. You only poison yourself while you think thoughts of poisoning someone else. In other words, it’s like your eating poison and hoping the other person dies.
A Basic Foundation of Forgiveness in Christianity
I would be remiss at this point if I did not tell you that this is the basis of Christianity. The ultimate forgiveness was accomplished one time and forever by Jesus Christ. If we call ourselves Christian, we are to live like Jesus. There is no room for unforgiveness no matter what your justification for it is.
The book I wrote is Don’t Hug a Grudge and is available through Amazon.com (top right side of this blog) or my website store at www.DonnaPerugini.com Amazon has a nice low price on it…$4.99. Or here on my blog site, www.DonnaPeruigniChildrensAuthor.com….$4.99. Get the book, share it with your children and friends. Read the Reader’s Reviews at the top of my blog and the Don’t Hug a Grudge reviews on Amazon.com and look at the Book Trailer Videos of each book. Don’t Hug a Grudge is written in English and Spanish!
Do you have in-law problems with forgiving or asking forgiveness? Do you think grudges grow? Love to read your comments…be sure to leave them!
Hi Donna, This is one of my favorite books. Thank You for sending these books as a gift from you to be taken into Guatemala to the children and also students. What a blessing you are. Adults can also learn from this book. Thank You for studying and writing and making this possible for this book to get into the hands of all ages. Sure would like to see your other books in Spanish but also in other Languages. You are my favorite Children’s Book Author. Thank You again for making it possible for the Children in Guatemala to recieve Don’t Hug a Grudge. Rallene
Rallene,
We love your ministry to the nations. Your 30 years of ministry has been amazing with more to come! We love having you come and speak at our church.
Hi Donna, “What Do You Know About Holding Grudges?” I think each one of us have experienced to hold on grudges specially in our growing up stage in life. You hold grudge if there is something you want and not given to you, it is just one of the reason to hold grudge but as we grow older the lessons in life helps us to understand why it is done or why it is not. Learning is maybe one of the way to avoid to hold on grudges.
Hello, Mitch,
I agree that learning is a way to not hold grudges against other people. It’s interesting how what we are taught or what we see our family do stays with us for a lifetime. If they teach us by example to hold grudges, we grow up with grudges. If we’re taught that grudges may seem harmless when they’re small, but grow up to be more trouble than you want, I believe you’ll see children that learn how to forgive and ask forgiveness quickly.
Appreciate your comment!
Yes! Grudges grow! And now, just as I am reading this, I realize I need to forgive someone and let go of a grudge. I realize that this person isn’t going to change a bad habit (and my personal pet peeve) anytime soon so I should just get over it and be friends- no matter what…
CK,
Funny thing is, while writing this post I also thought of someone I needed to forgive and let go of the little grudge wanting to grow! It’s an ongoing process.
DonnaPerugini recently posted..What Do You Know About Holding Grudges?
Such an easy thing to understand but so hard to live! I’m constantly trying to instill this in my kids, the simple lesson of “forgive and forget” – just move on. When my wife and discuss this she always tells me the most important part of forgive and forget is forget!
Joe,
For some offenses you’d have to be an amnesiac to forget what happened. I think making the commitment to keep saying to yourself that you already forgave so and so for whatever…and that it’s off limits for you to think about or bring it up again would be a better explanation for forget. I know some spouses are ‘slow burners’ and keep regurgitating the offense over and over. The ‘forgetting’ part is probably the hardest for them. Great comment!